Category Archives: Legacy

#love, Family, Legacy, Life Lessons, Living, Parent, Uncategorized, Values

An Open Letter of Love To My Son On His Birthday

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My son, Dred Scott Jackson Beasley,  is 9 years old today so I decided to write him a letter to tell him how much he means to me; to share with him things that he already knows but I wanted to remind him of on his special day and to tell him things that he doesn’t’ know but needs to know as part of his legacy.

Dear Dred Scott:

It’s March 10th and you are 9 years old today. I tell you all the time that I love you, that I like you and that I think you are a cool kid. But today, you are all that and more to me because the day you were born was the day that I came to life.

I know you are saying “Mommy, what does that mean, you’re my mom, you were already alive.” What I mean is that when you were born, and I saw you for the first time, I finally realized that my life was better because you were there to share it with me, so I knew I had to be better, to do better so you could have the best of me.

Since it’s your birthday, I wanted to tell you a few things so that you would know how special you are to me now and even before you were born. So here goes:

  • The Meaning Of Your Name: I know when you get older, you will wonder, “why is my name so long, couldn’t Mommy and Daddy come up with one name instead of 3?”  Well, each part of your name has a special meaning:
    • Dred: When I found out that I was having a boy, I told your Daddy that I wanted to name you Dred. Dred is the first name of two special people in Mommy’s life that loved me no matter what and believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself, my Dad and my brother.  Since you were going to be my baby boy, I wanted you to have a first name that means love to me.
    • Scott: Your Daddy told me that your brothers both had a “S” in their name so I needed to have part of your name start with an S. I chose Scott in honor of our cousin, Coretta Scott King, because her life was one of strength and character and I wanted you to have that legacy as part of your name.
    • Jackson: Jackson is your father’s mother’s last name and he loved her very much. He wanted to give you a part of her since she passed before you were born.
  • Your First Letter: Today’s letter is not the first letter that I’ve written you. I wrote a letter to you the day before you were born in your baby book. Here’s what it said:
    • 3/9/09 – Dear Scotty: I write this letter the day before your birth to tell you that I love you.  I know when I see you for the first time, my love for you will grow even stronger.  Being your mommy, I already feel you are the most perfect child.  But I also know you will make mistakes; we both will but through it all, I will love you and be there when you laugh and cry; hold you when life disappoints you and tell you no matter what life brings you, your mommy will always be there for you.
  • Three Wishes: If I found a magic lamp and the genie that came out told me that I could have 3 wishes but to make them good because they would be the only 3 wishes for the rest of my life, all my wishes would be for you:
    • Wish 1: I would wish that you always believe that you are special. There is nothing that you need to do or say. Just be you. For you are a sweet and kind boy. You are a good person with a loving heart. That’s more than enough. You are enough.
    • Wish 2: I would wish that you don’t try to live up to the legacy of what others have done or accomplished in life. Instead, you will learn from your legacy but create your own path, create your own dreams.
    • Wish 3: I would wish that you remember that I love you. Every day we tell each other “I love you, always and forever, no matter what.” Those are not just words. They are a promise that will never be broken because you are a part of me and I am a part of you. No matter where we are in the world, whether we are together or apart, those words, are forever in our hearts.

So, on your birthday, remember this: I loved you before you were born, I love you now, and I will you love you forever, no matter what. I promise.

Mommy

Family, Legacy, Life Lessons, Living, Parent, Starting Over

The Month Of June

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The month of June is always a hard month for me. June is the month that my Daddy, Dred Wilder, died.

This year, although I consciously knew that this is the anniversary month of his passing and although it has been over a decade, my body still reacts like it was yesterday.

I feel the sadness, the heartache, the emptiness within the core of my being because he is no longer physically present in my life.

I feel the void of not being able to share my thoughts, my dreams, my disappointments.

I miss the power of his silence; for he wouldn’t tell me the answer to my questions but would ask me a question about what I wanted, what I needed and then get quiet until I arrived at the answer for myself.

I miss the lessons that he was teaching me without saying a word.

As the month ends, something different has overshadowed my sadness. My sadness has lifted because I now get the final lesson that my Dad’s life and death were trying to teach me.

The month of June should not be about mourning. Instead, the month of June should be about celebrating the blessing of having a daddy in my life that was special to me and me to him.

So, with the last few days that are remaining in June, I will celebrate the joy of the time that I spent with my Daddy.  Even though my son never got a chance to meet him, I will share my memories of my Dad with my son. And each time I say my son’s name “Dred Scott”, my father’s legacy lives on.

#love, Communication, Legacy, Life Lessons, Starting Over, Uncategorized, Values

Facets of Life: A Journey of Life, Love & Relationships

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I recently had a relationship to  end. It was the first relationship since my divorce so I had the experience at the age of 50 of having butterflies, giddiness, and heartache all in one. Despite that though, I don’t regret the relationship.

I learned more about myself, about what I wanted in a relationship and what I was willing to give in a relationship.  I learned to define boundaries yet also let down those invisible walls that I put up to protect myself. And when I did, it allowed me to face my fear of being vulnerable to another. Being vulnerable is scary. But yet I know now that to be all in, that’s the only way to be. Even when it ends, the vulnerability of it all gives you life experience that you build on to help you to evolve as a person and as a partner.

As with any break-up, you think about what went wrong. Could you have done anything differently; could they have done something differently? You think about in moving forward, what can you take away to have better relationships in the future.

While going through this this self-reflection process, I came across poetry that I had written from decades ago – my 20’s and 30’s –  about former relationships.  As I read, I said to myself “Girl, you were dramatic back in the day.”  However, I also felt the essence of the words were still viable so I decided to share a few of the poems in hopes that my journey of life, love and relationships is relatable to those who are experiencing new love or the loss of love.

Whether you are experiencing the joy of new love or the heartache of a love that was lost, it’s all worth the journey of learning who you are and who you will become from the experience.

Facets of Life: “A Conversation With My Love”

when i’m with you

i feel complete

i feel free

free to be who i am

free to be who i hope to be.

yet at the same time

i feel you don’t know all of me

because i fear showing you

the depthness of my love

the depthness of my soul

i fear telling you

the pain i’ve had from my heartache

the shame i’ve had from life.

but when i ponder on these very things

and begin to reflect

that maybe you’ll understand

these are facets of my life

they have created who i am

they have shaped the character of my being.

all these facets have created

the person

who has chosen you

to unconditionally love.

all these facets have created

the person

you have chosen

to give a part of your world.

 

Facets of Life:  “If I Could”

If I could

Tell you what was deep in my heart

I would tell you

That with you

I have learned how to love again

I have learned that I have something good inside

I have learned that I am worthwhile.

If I could

Stop being afraid of life

Of love

Of letting go

I would tell you that no man

Has ever made me feel the way you do

No man

Has made me feel the joy

That I have known with you

If I could

Share the deepest part of my soul

I would share a heart that has known both delight and despair

I would share a life that has known both honor and shame

I would share my hope of being forever in your life

All these things I would share, say & do

If I could.

 

Facets of Life:  “I Remember”

 I remember the day we walked in the park

Arm in arm and hand in hand

And you poured out your heart

You told me your expectations, joys, and sorrows,

Your hopes for a better tomorrow.

And deep within my heart, I cried

Because even though those words were about yourself

I could see a reflection of myself

For in the mirror of your soul

Your words made me whole.

I remember that afternoon you kissed me

So tenderly and sweetly

And yet so passionately

For when you reached out to me

It felt like a little boy wanting someone to love

And yet when your lips touched mine

I knew within that shyness of a boy

There was a man

Who needed me

As much as I needed him.

I remember the night when you held me in your arms

And filled my disillusions with all your charms

And for the first time

I felt as though that I found that key

To open up those deep emotions within me.

And although I’ve searched for so long for that key to happiness

It scares me,

So much that I want to close my dreams to reality

To close the door to my destiny.

For when I really look at my life

All I see are problems and strife

And it hurts my heart so much

So terribly much,

That it’s better for me to pretend

That life can have a happy end.

For when I think of the happy times

The really good times

Nothing else matters

Because through my memories

I can have forever

And everything seems better.

For when I remember when you said

“This is not goodbye – only the beginning.”

I feel as though I’m in a different hemisphere, not of this world

Because you are here with me and once again, I’m a special girl.

But then reality steps in

And I’m back in this world again

For then I realize those words weren’t true.

There was never a me and you.

And even though it hurts to know

In my heart, I have to let you go

I still have one thing…

I remember.

 

Facets of Life::  “Love’s Reality”

We seemed to have it all

But we lost it all

As quickly as we found it

Maybe I should have told you more

How much I really cared

How much I wanted to be there

How much I wanted you to be in my life.

Maybe you should have told me

That you really loved me

But my dreams were not yours

My hopes were just that

Pleasurable myths that would never be fact.

I gave you my heart

I gave you my soul

I gave until I had nothing else to give

But it was never enough for you

And I will never know why.

I only know

That no one could ever love you

The way I did

The way I do now

Despite it all

For I feel the deepest type of love

A love based on truth and togetherness

A love that expands the realms of forever

Because it is a love

Entwined by a bond of truth of one’s feelings about one’s self

And the person they love

Entwined by communication of your brightest hopes and darkest desperations

Entwined by your most shallow dreams and deepest inspirations.

I now know we were never meant to be

That sometimes love isn’t enough

That sometimes you have to let go of what you have

To find in life

What really matters

To find in life

The friend within yourself.

Family, Legacy, Living, Parent

“Peggy… I Now Understand”

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Your greatest joy is sorrow unmasked. 

Kahlil Gilbran

If you read my posting “I Was Here“, you know that my sister Peggy passed in 2011.

We had a unique relationship that was shaped by two significant events:

  • In 1966, she gave me life.
  • In 1972, she gave me a chance at life by giving me my parents, Minnie and Dred Wilder. For that I am eternally grateful.

If our Dad were alive and you asked him to describe Peggy , he would tell you Peggy was a person that  truly lived the phrase “Do You” because no matter the reward or consequence, Peggy was one person  who always was Peggy and did what Peggy wanted to do.

For anyone that met Peggy, they would tell you that she had a presence, a swagger. You remembered meeting her.

For those that knew Peggy well, who she allowed to the see the core of who she was, they knew the dichotomy of her. On one hand, she was the most frustrating and demanding person you would ever meet. But on the other hand, she could be a  loving, funny, and thoughtful person.  She would give the best and the last of what she had.

Like all of us, Peggy sometimes made decisions that didn’t have the best results; however, before she passed, she was able to have some essential conversations that allowed her to acknowledge the impact of those choices and I know that it gave her some peace.

She and I had one of those essential conversations and as I ponder on the words that we spoke, I now understand the dynamics of our unique relationship.

I Now Understand…

  • As a perfectly imperfect 49-year old parent that is lost at times about what is the right thing to do for my son,  I truly appreciate now  that  at 18, Peggy didn’t know what was right for me because she was still trying to figure out what was right for her.
  • Parts of her had been broken by tragedy and trauma, so she shut down the part of her heart that hurt the most – loving me.
  • Parts of me had been broken by tragedy and trauma, so I shut down the part of my heart that hurt the most – loving her.
  • What I deemed as anger for her not loving me, for not keeping me, for not choosing me, it was just a little girl who didn’t understand that she showed me the  greatest love by  giving me parents that could provide me what she wanted to give but didn’t know how
  • When I shared with her my anger, my hurt, my tragedy, she felt my anguish and wished that she could wipe it all way.
  • When she told me that she loved me, I didn’t want to accept it but I knew within my being that she did.
  • That in all the ways that we were different, we were and are alike in what matters.
So even though, I understand all these things and more, if Peggy were alive today, I would only say these 4 words: “Peggy, I now understand.” And you know what? She would understand too.

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Is there someone in your life that your relationship is not where it needs to be?  Is there someone in your life that you need to have an essential conversation with?  If so, remember that life is short.  Instead of waiting for a tomorrow that may never come, do something today:  Say the one that thing that really matters in the end, ” I now understand.”Peggy and me 1970s

Legacy, Life Lessons, Living, Resolutions, Values

“Why Not Me”

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“I am not what happened to me.  I am what I choose to become.”

Emma Watson

In 2012, I had a procedure to remove vocal polyps. It was a procedure that prevented me from talking for 4 – 6 weeks.  It was my third vocal procedure in 3 years.

After my second procedure, my doctor advised me that I had a recurring condition, that he was  not sure why it was  recurring, and he didn’t know how often it would recur. Needless to say, the first thought that came to my mind was “Why me?” My mind then began to spin with thoughts such as:

1) My 3-year old son has never heard my real voice, will he ever?

2) I’ve been in HR for over 20 years and I need my voice, what am I going to do if this keeps happening?

3) What lesson am I suppose to be learning from this recurring event?

4) What else can happen to me?

After I allowed myself to think these unproductive thoughts and allowed my tears to dry, I gave myself a reality check. I began thinking about all of my prior life challenges that I have overcome. I just did not survive but I triumphed. So now instead of asking “Why me?” I ask myself, “Why Not Me?” What can I learn from this life challenge that will allow me to be a better person, to be a better giver of myself to those that I encounter, and to be a better mother to my young son?

Like all of us, I don’t know what tomorrow brings but why worry about what hasn’t happened. Fortunately, my doctor was able to identify the reason for the recurrence and I’m healthy today.

This experience, this challenge, has taught me the importance of my daily choices.

I choose to dream about tomorrow but live for today. I choose to learn, to love, to give. I choose to be living proof that with my faith coupled with positive actions that I am powerful beyond measure  and I can overcome anything. Instead of life happening to me, I choose to happen to life.

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What life challenges are you facing today? What can you learn from those challenges that will help you to move from victim to victor?

Communication, Legacy, Life Lessons, Living, Parent, Values

“What I Learned About Loving Myself From Loving Someone Else”

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As I approach my 50th birthday in less than 5 months, I am in a reflective mood. I have been thinking about the men that I have loved and what I have  learned about loving myself by loving them.

I’d like to share a few of those lessons by highlighting those key relationships:

  • My Father – Dred Wilder: My father was a humble, gentle, straight talk no chaser, powerful man. As early as the age of 3, I knew that no one could compare to my Dad. He understood my thoughts without me saying a word. He knew when I didn’t feel accepted or hurt by others and told me to believe in myself because he believed in me. He taught me to define my values and to live them no matter what the reward or consequence. When kids would make fun of me or become afraid of me because I had a seizure, he wouldn’t say  a word; instead, he would hold me in his arms until I stopped crying. When he died, I felt that I lost a part of my heart, a part of my soul. But as time has passed, I learned most importantly that the lessons, the memories still live in me and are even more powerful today as they were yesterday.
  • My Brother – Dred Jr: Growing up, we were typical siblings.  We laughed, we argued; we shared good and bad times. But through it all, we always had each other’s  back. I have learned  from him through his words and actions that loyalty doesn’t need to be spoken –  it just needs to be shown. I have learned the importance of having a dream and following it even when others can’t see the vision.  The importance of staying true to what you know within your core is right for you.  I have learned from him that no matter what, he will support me without questions or judgment.
  • My Brother – Stan: I grew up as the only girl in the neighborhood so Stan felt it was important to teach me to defend myself  and  he taught me how to fight. I was a little girl so certainly I was no ninja. However, I learned from him how to not only physically defend myself but how to stand up for myself through words. He called me “Nene” and would say “Nene, I don’t want you to pick fights but if you can’t defend yourself with words, defend  yourself with your hands.” As I got older and he would be home visiting, he would ask me thought provoking questions about what I wanted in life. We would talk about world events and travel. I didn’t realize then that he was teaching me to think about what I wanted out of life but also to consider that there was a world outside of what I had known and to be open to it.
  • Daddy Dean:  My sister Peggy had a special man in her life named Dean. When my brother Dred  and I were kids, we would go visit them in the summer. He was like a second Dad to me. He loved my sister with that old school love like you see in movies like “Lady Sings The Blues”, “Mahogany”, or “The Way We Were”. Unfortunately, they didn’t stay together. I learned from their relationship, that you can love someone “hard” but when that person is broken or doesn’t know how to love themselves because of those broken pieces, love is not enough. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go. I can tell you that my sister loved him to the day she died and he loved her.
  • My First Love – Hari: I met Hari when I was 23. He was a Captain in the Marines. He was confident, a visionary, and he loved me. He showed me a new world of jazz, poetry, writing, and dreams. He pulled me out of my comfort zone to share my talents of writing poetry and public speaking. With him I evolved into a butterfly. I learned to truly believe in my dreams and that I was special to someone who I not only loved but respected. I also learned that when romantic love ends, it can evolve into a powerful friendship with someone who knows your heartache, your fears, and the depthness of your love.
  • My Son – Dred Scott: I had my son Dred Scott at 43. In the 6.5  years he has been in my life, I have learned and experienced love on a level that I didn’t know existed before him. He is my heart. I would give my life for him if it meant saving his.  He has taught me about  unconditional love. He sometimes says to me  “Mommy, you are beautiful. You are a good Mom and I love you.” Needless to say that reminds me that my son loves me just for being me – his Mom.

I have loved, been loved, and lost love. But I have learned that loving is living and that is the best lesson of all.Scotty and me

Family, Legacy, Life Lessons, Making a Difference, Resolutions, Starting Over, Success, Uncategorized, Values

“I Am Enough” #imenough

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I recently saw a You Tube video entitled “I’m Enough” by a band called The Mrs.  The video was focusing on uplifting women’s self- image, to help reinforce that we are more than what we see on the outside, we are an inspiration to those that love us.

Although the focus was on women, it is an impactful message for both men and women, boys and girls. So many of us grow up believing that we are not enough – not pretty enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, not strong enough, etc.

But what if we flipped the script, and saw ourselves the way others see us. By others, I’m not talking about people who don’t know us or show through their actions that they don’t value us. By others, I mean the people who love us for just being ourselves. They “get” that what is most important about us is who we are and not what we are: Who – caring, giving, supportive, loving vs. What – nurse, doctor, teacher, homemaker. They “get” that we bring joy, inspiration, a sense of well-being, and much more to their lives.

So close your eyes, think of someone you love, that loves you. Now imagine, you are looking in a mirror. You see your reflection but you also see your love one who is telling you how much you mean to them, how much you impact their life in a positive way. Now open your eyes and embrace the feeling of those words. Look in the mirror and say “I Am Enough” …. because you are.

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“I’m Enough” By The Mrs.

Goal Setting, Legacy, Life Lessons, Living, Making a Difference, Starting Over, Success, Uncategorized, Values

“Our Deepest Fear” #Faith

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What is your deepest fear?

Are you afraid of failure, success, love, fear itself? No matter what your fear, ask yourself, why have you given fear the power over your life. The power over you living the life that you know within your heart and soul is meant for you to live but fear keeps you “stuck” with going with the flow. Fear keeps you in the flow of existing vs. living. Fear keeps you from following what your inner voice, your deepest thoughts, your very soul is telling you…that YOUR DREAMS can become a reality if you can just let go of the fear.

If so, I challenge you today to Stand Up to Fear. Tell Fear it has to find a new place to live because it doesn’t live here anymore. Tell fear it’s been replaced with the new “F”in town – “FAITH”.

F:  FAITH.  Faith that during this temporary season of storms that you are facing, a rainbow is at the end. Faith that even when others don’t believe, your belief in you will be the foundation of your success.  Faith that if it is in your heart, it can’t be wrong because it’s part of who you are, it is  part of who you are evolving to be.

A: Attitude.  An attitude that says when you fall, you get up.

I:  Insight.  Insight to just get quiet and listen to your inner voice that will lead you to what is right for you; that will lead you to your destiny.

T: Trust. Trust in you. Trust in your dreams. Trust in your strength to deal with life’s struggles and not just survive but thrive.

H: Hope. When there is hope, fear is not an option, it is a temporary state of mind that you can quickly change to one of FAITH.

So have FAITH and let fear go on its’ way. You have better things to do. #FAITH

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For Inspiration, click on this YouTube Link: 

Source of Video: Coach Carter Movie.

 

Career, Goal Setting, Legacy, Life Lessons, Living, Resolutions, Success, Uncategorized, Values

“Are You Dreaming?”

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“Every dream comes with a price. Nothing is free.  The dream is free, the journey is not.”  John Maxwell

 Like many of you reading this, I have had life challenges, some expected but many were not. Those challenges have put me on a journey of self-discovery and re-evaluation; a re-evaluation of what I deem to be truly important. It has caused me to really reflect both on what I am doing with my life and the type of person that I am becoming.  It’s caused me to think about my dreams and the realities of “why” I have not pursued some of those dreams.

Have you thought about why you have chosen not to pursue certain dreams, that “thing” that you know within your core is your destiny, your purpose; but for some reason you have not pursued “the dream”? What’s holding you back?   

To aid you in this self-discovery, consider the following key questions from one of my favorite motivational authors, John Maxwell. As you reflect on these questions, assess how real your dreams are and determine what you need to do to move from dreaming to doing:

  1. Is my dream really my dream? Are you living your dream or what others think you should do? Have you fully committed and bought into your own dreams?
  2.  Do I clearly see my dream?
  3.  Am I depending on things in my control or am I depending on things out of my control to achieve my dream? Do I have the skills, abilities, and talents to accomplish my dreams or do I need others to help me?
  4. Do I have the physical energy and passion to achieve my dream?
  5. Do I have a strategy to achieve my dream? 
  6. Who do I have around me that can help me achieve the dream?
  7.  Am I willing to the pay the price for my dream?
  8. Am I moving closer to my dream? Have I prioritized the activities that must be done daily to move me closer to achieving my dream? Is this activity that I am working on moving me closer of farther away from my dream?
  9. Am I enjoying the journey to my dream? Does my dream bring joy and excitement to my life?
  10. Does my dream benefit others? “Our dream really isn’t about us. It’s about the people we serve. How is your dream helping others? Be a river not a reservoir.” ~ John Maxwell

(Author of Questions – John Maxwell)

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  • Stop dreaming and start doing the things today to help you achieve your dreams for tomorrow. (Source – Valerie Burton, Motivational Author)
  • Balance focusing on the future with “maximizing your present moments on the journey so that your “daily life becomes richer and more enjoyable.” (Source – Valerie Burton, Motivational Author).
  • Finally, as you go about the business of doing and achieving, be mindful of who you are being and becoming. (Source – YOU)                        

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Family, Legacy, Life Lessons, Living, Making a Difference, Sisters, Uncategorized

“I Was Here”

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On October 30, 2011, my oldest sister, Peggy, was diagnosed with Stage 4 liver cancer. On December 17, 2011, she passed.

Peggy’s passing got me to thinking about my own life. The choices that I have made and the choices that I chose not to make out of pride, fear, or uncertainty.

 It got me to thinking about the legacy that would I leave. Would my legacy paint a picture of a person that gave the best of who she was to those she met and those she loved, would my legacy be that I made a difference in someone else’s life, would my legacy show that I made a difference in my own life?

 As I ponder on my legacy, I recognize that our legacy starts with we do each day. “It’s what we do in between that matters.” (Source – Author Unknown)

 It’s like one of my favorite songs “Live  Like You Were Dying” (Source:  Tim McGraw).

Live as though your life matters. Dream as though life has no limits, only possibilities. Push beyond life’s challenges by listening to the lessons that each brings. Give the best of who you are to the world because you do make difference. Your presence, your existence, makes a difference to those you love, your co-workers, and your customers.

 As you progress through life and go about the business of being and becoming, will your legacy show”that you lived, that you loved, that you did, that you have done” (Source: “I Was Here”, sang by Beyoncé).  Will your legacy say, I WAS HERE.

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 What can you do each day to show that you are here?

 

 

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