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#love, Life Lessons, Living, Uncategorized, Values

Sometimes forever means now

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When I  was young, I dreamed of meeting  the one.  The  one who would be “my forever.” 

The one who knew my inner thoughts, my external flaws and yet who still loved me for who I  was and who I could be.

I thought I had found my forever.

But one day, my forever came to a halt.

My forever did not have a dash, it had a period.

My dreams were shattered.

My heart broken.

My soul was disenchanted.

What followed was not my forever but seasons and reasons for relationships that failed.

Those seasons and reasons got me to thinking about what forever meant.

Until one day, it all clicked. 

I met Bo.

He showed me a new way to love. 

For in loving him, I realized that I  am no longer compelled to love another based on a vision of a future reality.

Rather I have realized  that loving him means loving what we have now.

Enjoying the minutes, the hours, and the days we share.  

Staying present in the  moments.

For it is in those moments, we are creating the memories of our forever story. 

Each kiss, each embrace, each spoken word is part of the forever I have with him.

No matter how long that forever is.

Whether it is a dash or a period, I have my forever… now.

#love, Family, Legacy, Life Lessons, Living, Parent, Uncategorized, Values

An Open Letter of Love To My Son On His Birthday

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My son, Dred Scott Jackson Beasley,  is 9 years old today so I decided to write him a letter to tell him how much he means to me; to share with him things that he already knows but I wanted to remind him of on his special day and to tell him things that he doesn’t’ know but needs to know as part of his legacy.

Dear Dred Scott:

It’s March 10th and you are 9 years old today. I tell you all the time that I love you, that I like you and that I think you are a cool kid. But today, you are all that and more to me because the day you were born was the day that I came to life.

I know you are saying “Mommy, what does that mean, you’re my mom, you were already alive.” What I mean is that when you were born, and I saw you for the first time, I finally realized that my life was better because you were there to share it with me, so I knew I had to be better, to do better so you could have the best of me.

Since it’s your birthday, I wanted to tell you a few things so that you would know how special you are to me now and even before you were born. So here goes:

  • The Meaning Of Your Name: I know when you get older, you will wonder, “why is my name so long, couldn’t Mommy and Daddy come up with one name instead of 3?”  Well, each part of your name has a special meaning:
    • Dred: When I found out that I was having a boy, I told your Daddy that I wanted to name you Dred. Dred is the first name of two special people in Mommy’s life that loved me no matter what and believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself, my Dad and my brother.  Since you were going to be my baby boy, I wanted you to have a first name that means love to me.
    • Scott: Your Daddy told me that your brothers both had a “S” in their name so I needed to have part of your name start with an S. I chose Scott in honor of our cousin, Coretta Scott King, because her life was one of strength and character and I wanted you to have that legacy as part of your name.
    • Jackson: Jackson is your father’s mother’s last name and he loved her very much. He wanted to give you a part of her since she passed before you were born.
  • Your First Letter: Today’s letter is not the first letter that I’ve written you. I wrote a letter to you the day before you were born in your baby book. Here’s what it said:
    • 3/9/09 – Dear Scotty: I write this letter the day before your birth to tell you that I love you.  I know when I see you for the first time, my love for you will grow even stronger.  Being your mommy, I already feel you are the most perfect child.  But I also know you will make mistakes; we both will but through it all, I will love you and be there when you laugh and cry; hold you when life disappoints you and tell you no matter what life brings you, your mommy will always be there for you.
  • Three Wishes: If I found a magic lamp and the genie that came out told me that I could have 3 wishes but to make them good because they would be the only 3 wishes for the rest of my life, all my wishes would be for you:
    • Wish 1: I would wish that you always believe that you are special. There is nothing that you need to do or say. Just be you. For you are a sweet and kind boy. You are a good person with a loving heart. That’s more than enough. You are enough.
    • Wish 2: I would wish that you don’t try to live up to the legacy of what others have done or accomplished in life. Instead, you will learn from your legacy but create your own path, create your own dreams.
    • Wish 3: I would wish that you remember that I love you. Every day we tell each other “I love you, always and forever, no matter what.” Those are not just words. They are a promise that will never be broken because you are a part of me and I am a part of you. No matter where we are in the world, whether we are together or apart, those words, are forever in our hearts.

So, on your birthday, remember this: I loved you before you were born, I love you now, and I will you love you forever, no matter what. I promise.

Mommy

Life Lessons, Living, Making a Difference, Starting Over, Uncategorized

Innocence

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A few weeks ago, two television shows, Law & Order: SVU and Ransom, focused on the same key issue of sexual abuse of children. It’s an issue that is treated as unspeakable because of the atrocity of violating a child.  Yet by not speaking up, we teach victims that they can’t speak up. We teach victims they must live in silence with the shame and the fear that results from having a predator take their innocence, take their ability to trust, and take their ability to believe in themselves.  We teach victims that being a victim is what they are vs. what happened to them.

It’s time to stop telling our kids to not to sit on that relative’s or family friend’s lap because we know that something is not quite right about them.  It’s time to stop thinking that the sexual abuse of a child happens in other families or to certain “types” of people. It’s time to stop being silent.

I’ve heard all my life that children are our future. If that’s true, what future are we creating for a child that has experienced the ultimate betrayal of trust yet doesn’t get the help they need to heal.

I wrote a poem called “She” that addresses the impact of sexual abuse on a child and the adult that they grow up to be. My hope in reading the poem, is that you don’t focus on who the poem is about. Rather I hope you can embrace the power of the words and decide to be the voice of a child that can’t speak for themselves. By doing so, you will help that little girl or little boy to know that they are not alone. And if you were once that little girl or little boy, this is what I know for sure, you can get past what happened to you. It won’t be easy so get the help that you need. There is no shame in saying out loud what happened. The only shame will be is if you give up on you…. so don’t.

“She”

She understood the darkness of the world

For her innocence was taken when she was just a little girl

For at 3, she lost the value of trust

When a monster violated her with every thrust

And at 12

A cousin showed her another meaning of hell

So she never knew what it meant to be a child

She never knew what it meant to dream even for just a little while

For life, had taught her at a tender age

That someone else’s undealt rage can hurt another

That you can’t always be protected, not even by your mother.

She learned to pretend so that she could survive

She prayed and hoped that her memories were just a lie

Until one day, she met a man

Who simply said “I understand”

He only wanted to be her friend

And to help her believe that life could have a happy end

He wanted her to know that life was about living

Not surviving

But thriving.

He wanted her to believe that what she needed to be happy was already within

She just had to let the past end.

And let her present begin.

You may wonder who she is

Who she finally turned out to be?

Did she travel the world?

Did she finally realize that she was a special girl?

To that I ask

Does it matter?

Because the real point of it all

Is that she lived

She mattered

But if you must know

She could be you or your neighbor down the street

But in reality…

She is me.

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#love, Communication, Legacy, Life Lessons, Starting Over, Uncategorized, Values

Facets of Life: A Journey of Life, Love & Relationships

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I recently had a relationship to  end. It was the first relationship since my divorce so I had the experience at the age of 50 of having butterflies, giddiness, and heartache all in one. Despite that though, I don’t regret the relationship.

I learned more about myself, about what I wanted in a relationship and what I was willing to give in a relationship.  I learned to define boundaries yet also let down those invisible walls that I put up to protect myself. And when I did, it allowed me to face my fear of being vulnerable to another. Being vulnerable is scary. But yet I know now that to be all in, that’s the only way to be. Even when it ends, the vulnerability of it all gives you life experience that you build on to help you to evolve as a person and as a partner.

As with any break-up, you think about what went wrong. Could you have done anything differently; could they have done something differently? You think about in moving forward, what can you take away to have better relationships in the future.

While going through this this self-reflection process, I came across poetry that I had written from decades ago – my 20’s and 30’s –  about former relationships.  As I read, I said to myself “Girl, you were dramatic back in the day.”  However, I also felt the essence of the words were still viable so I decided to share a few of the poems in hopes that my journey of life, love and relationships is relatable to those who are experiencing new love or the loss of love.

Whether you are experiencing the joy of new love or the heartache of a love that was lost, it’s all worth the journey of learning who you are and who you will become from the experience.

Facets of Life: “A Conversation With My Love”

when i’m with you

i feel complete

i feel free

free to be who i am

free to be who i hope to be.

yet at the same time

i feel you don’t know all of me

because i fear showing you

the depthness of my love

the depthness of my soul

i fear telling you

the pain i’ve had from my heartache

the shame i’ve had from life.

but when i ponder on these very things

and begin to reflect

that maybe you’ll understand

these are facets of my life

they have created who i am

they have shaped the character of my being.

all these facets have created

the person

who has chosen you

to unconditionally love.

all these facets have created

the person

you have chosen

to give a part of your world.

 

Facets of Life:  “If I Could”

If I could

Tell you what was deep in my heart

I would tell you

That with you

I have learned how to love again

I have learned that I have something good inside

I have learned that I am worthwhile.

If I could

Stop being afraid of life

Of love

Of letting go

I would tell you that no man

Has ever made me feel the way you do

No man

Has made me feel the joy

That I have known with you

If I could

Share the deepest part of my soul

I would share a heart that has known both delight and despair

I would share a life that has known both honor and shame

I would share my hope of being forever in your life

All these things I would share, say & do

If I could.

 

Facets of Life:  “I Remember”

 I remember the day we walked in the park

Arm in arm and hand in hand

And you poured out your heart

You told me your expectations, joys, and sorrows,

Your hopes for a better tomorrow.

And deep within my heart, I cried

Because even though those words were about yourself

I could see a reflection of myself

For in the mirror of your soul

Your words made me whole.

I remember that afternoon you kissed me

So tenderly and sweetly

And yet so passionately

For when you reached out to me

It felt like a little boy wanting someone to love

And yet when your lips touched mine

I knew within that shyness of a boy

There was a man

Who needed me

As much as I needed him.

I remember the night when you held me in your arms

And filled my disillusions with all your charms

And for the first time

I felt as though that I found that key

To open up those deep emotions within me.

And although I’ve searched for so long for that key to happiness

It scares me,

So much that I want to close my dreams to reality

To close the door to my destiny.

For when I really look at my life

All I see are problems and strife

And it hurts my heart so much

So terribly much,

That it’s better for me to pretend

That life can have a happy end.

For when I think of the happy times

The really good times

Nothing else matters

Because through my memories

I can have forever

And everything seems better.

For when I remember when you said

“This is not goodbye – only the beginning.”

I feel as though I’m in a different hemisphere, not of this world

Because you are here with me and once again, I’m a special girl.

But then reality steps in

And I’m back in this world again

For then I realize those words weren’t true.

There was never a me and you.

And even though it hurts to know

In my heart, I have to let you go

I still have one thing…

I remember.

 

Facets of Life::  “Love’s Reality”

We seemed to have it all

But we lost it all

As quickly as we found it

Maybe I should have told you more

How much I really cared

How much I wanted to be there

How much I wanted you to be in my life.

Maybe you should have told me

That you really loved me

But my dreams were not yours

My hopes were just that

Pleasurable myths that would never be fact.

I gave you my heart

I gave you my soul

I gave until I had nothing else to give

But it was never enough for you

And I will never know why.

I only know

That no one could ever love you

The way I did

The way I do now

Despite it all

For I feel the deepest type of love

A love based on truth and togetherness

A love that expands the realms of forever

Because it is a love

Entwined by a bond of truth of one’s feelings about one’s self

And the person they love

Entwined by communication of your brightest hopes and darkest desperations

Entwined by your most shallow dreams and deepest inspirations.

I now know we were never meant to be

That sometimes love isn’t enough

That sometimes you have to let go of what you have

To find in life

What really matters

To find in life

The friend within yourself.

Family, Legacy, Life Lessons, Making a Difference, Resolutions, Starting Over, Success, Uncategorized, Values

“I Am Enough” #imenough

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I recently saw a You Tube video entitled “I’m Enough” by a band called The Mrs.  The video was focusing on uplifting women’s self- image, to help reinforce that we are more than what we see on the outside, we are an inspiration to those that love us.

Although the focus was on women, it is an impactful message for both men and women, boys and girls. So many of us grow up believing that we are not enough – not pretty enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, not strong enough, etc.

But what if we flipped the script, and saw ourselves the way others see us. By others, I’m not talking about people who don’t know us or show through their actions that they don’t value us. By others, I mean the people who love us for just being ourselves. They “get” that what is most important about us is who we are and not what we are: Who – caring, giving, supportive, loving vs. What – nurse, doctor, teacher, homemaker. They “get” that we bring joy, inspiration, a sense of well-being, and much more to their lives.

So close your eyes, think of someone you love, that loves you. Now imagine, you are looking in a mirror. You see your reflection but you also see your love one who is telling you how much you mean to them, how much you impact their life in a positive way. Now open your eyes and embrace the feeling of those words. Look in the mirror and say “I Am Enough” …. because you are.

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“I’m Enough” By The Mrs.

Goal Setting, Legacy, Life Lessons, Living, Making a Difference, Starting Over, Success, Uncategorized, Values

“Our Deepest Fear” #Faith

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What is your deepest fear?

Are you afraid of failure, success, love, fear itself? No matter what your fear, ask yourself, why have you given fear the power over your life. The power over you living the life that you know within your heart and soul is meant for you to live but fear keeps you “stuck” with going with the flow. Fear keeps you in the flow of existing vs. living. Fear keeps you from following what your inner voice, your deepest thoughts, your very soul is telling you…that YOUR DREAMS can become a reality if you can just let go of the fear.

If so, I challenge you today to Stand Up to Fear. Tell Fear it has to find a new place to live because it doesn’t live here anymore. Tell fear it’s been replaced with the new “F”in town – “FAITH”.

F:  FAITH.  Faith that during this temporary season of storms that you are facing, a rainbow is at the end. Faith that even when others don’t believe, your belief in you will be the foundation of your success.  Faith that if it is in your heart, it can’t be wrong because it’s part of who you are, it is  part of who you are evolving to be.

A: Attitude.  An attitude that says when you fall, you get up.

I:  Insight.  Insight to just get quiet and listen to your inner voice that will lead you to what is right for you; that will lead you to your destiny.

T: Trust. Trust in you. Trust in your dreams. Trust in your strength to deal with life’s struggles and not just survive but thrive.

H: Hope. When there is hope, fear is not an option, it is a temporary state of mind that you can quickly change to one of FAITH.

So have FAITH and let fear go on its’ way. You have better things to do. #FAITH

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For Inspiration, click on this YouTube Link: 

Source of Video: Coach Carter Movie.

 

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“The Most Important Words” #Important Words

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“Learn to speak kind words; no one resents them.”  Carl Rowan, Syndicated Columnist

Our words have power. Word can motivate, change us, change others, and inspire. Consider the following:

  • You see things and you say ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say ‘Why not?’” ~ George Bernard Shaw
  • You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.” ~ Leo Aikman
  • In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” ~Robert Frost
  • In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.  ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • “If someone were to pay you 10 cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect from you 5 cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?”  ~Unknown Source

 So think about your words because others do. Think before you speak and remember:

  • “The 6 most important words: I admit, I made a mistake.”
  • “The 5 most important words: You did a good job.”
  • “The 4 most important words: What is your opinion?”
  • “The 3 most important words: If you please.”
  • “The 2 most important words: Thank you.”
  • “The most important word: “We”

                                 (Source – Dennis Kimbro, Author)

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In the last week, have your words helped or hindered your relationships? Are the most important words used in your vocabulary on a daily basis? What can you do to be more mindful about the words you speak? 

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Family, Goal Setting, Life Lessons, Living, Making a Difference, Parent, Resolutions, Starting Over, Success, Uncategorized, Values

“Are You For Real” #RU4Real”

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One of my favorite stories is called “The Velveteen Rabbit”.  It’s about a Velveteen rabbit that longs to be real so that he could be special and not looked down by more expensive mechanical toys because “he was just a velveteen rabbit”.  Ironically, the Velveteen Rabbit feared becoming real, because when talking to his only friend, the Skin Horse, becoming real seemed painful.

On his journey of ‘becoming REAL’, he learns several important lessons, the core of which is reflected in the following passage:

 “What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit to the Skin Horse,  “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

 “Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

 “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

 “It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

(Source – “The Velveteen Rabbit: How Toys Become Real” by Margery Williams)

So in the end the Velveteen Rabbit learned that being REAL was not about what he was on the outside or even what others said about him.   He learned that BEING REAL was about BECOMING REAL TO OURSELVES AND TO OTHERS and sometimes that might hurt.  He learned that when he allowed others to see him – the core of who he was, they loved him no matter what.  He learned that being real didn’t happen overnight but “bit by bit.” But most importantly he learned that being real was not about being like everybody else. Rather being real was about being himself and that was more than enough.

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Are you being real… to yourself?…with others?  If not, ask yourself “why? and commit to showing who you are “bit by bit”. In the end, the ones that matter, will stay. In the end, by allowing your light to shine, you will give others the courage to do the same.

Career, Goal Setting, Legacy, Life Lessons, Living, Resolutions, Success, Uncategorized, Values

“Are You Dreaming?”

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“Every dream comes with a price. Nothing is free.  The dream is free, the journey is not.”  John Maxwell

 Like many of you reading this, I have had life challenges, some expected but many were not. Those challenges have put me on a journey of self-discovery and re-evaluation; a re-evaluation of what I deem to be truly important. It has caused me to really reflect both on what I am doing with my life and the type of person that I am becoming.  It’s caused me to think about my dreams and the realities of “why” I have not pursued some of those dreams.

Have you thought about why you have chosen not to pursue certain dreams, that “thing” that you know within your core is your destiny, your purpose; but for some reason you have not pursued “the dream”? What’s holding you back?   

To aid you in this self-discovery, consider the following key questions from one of my favorite motivational authors, John Maxwell. As you reflect on these questions, assess how real your dreams are and determine what you need to do to move from dreaming to doing:

  1. Is my dream really my dream? Are you living your dream or what others think you should do? Have you fully committed and bought into your own dreams?
  2.  Do I clearly see my dream?
  3.  Am I depending on things in my control or am I depending on things out of my control to achieve my dream? Do I have the skills, abilities, and talents to accomplish my dreams or do I need others to help me?
  4. Do I have the physical energy and passion to achieve my dream?
  5. Do I have a strategy to achieve my dream? 
  6. Who do I have around me that can help me achieve the dream?
  7.  Am I willing to the pay the price for my dream?
  8. Am I moving closer to my dream? Have I prioritized the activities that must be done daily to move me closer to achieving my dream? Is this activity that I am working on moving me closer of farther away from my dream?
  9. Am I enjoying the journey to my dream? Does my dream bring joy and excitement to my life?
  10. Does my dream benefit others? “Our dream really isn’t about us. It’s about the people we serve. How is your dream helping others? Be a river not a reservoir.” ~ John Maxwell

(Author of Questions – John Maxwell)

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  • Stop dreaming and start doing the things today to help you achieve your dreams for tomorrow. (Source – Valerie Burton, Motivational Author)
  • Balance focusing on the future with “maximizing your present moments on the journey so that your “daily life becomes richer and more enjoyable.” (Source – Valerie Burton, Motivational Author).
  • Finally, as you go about the business of doing and achieving, be mindful of who you are being and becoming. (Source – YOU)                        

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Family, Legacy, Life Lessons, Living, Making a Difference, Sisters, Uncategorized

“I Was Here”

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On October 30, 2011, my oldest sister, Peggy, was diagnosed with Stage 4 liver cancer. On December 17, 2011, she passed.

Peggy’s passing got me to thinking about my own life. The choices that I have made and the choices that I chose not to make out of pride, fear, or uncertainty.

 It got me to thinking about the legacy that would I leave. Would my legacy paint a picture of a person that gave the best of who she was to those she met and those she loved, would my legacy be that I made a difference in someone else’s life, would my legacy show that I made a difference in my own life?

 As I ponder on my legacy, I recognize that our legacy starts with we do each day. “It’s what we do in between that matters.” (Source – Author Unknown)

 It’s like one of my favorite songs “Live  Like You Were Dying” (Source:  Tim McGraw).

Live as though your life matters. Dream as though life has no limits, only possibilities. Push beyond life’s challenges by listening to the lessons that each brings. Give the best of who you are to the world because you do make difference. Your presence, your existence, makes a difference to those you love, your co-workers, and your customers.

 As you progress through life and go about the business of being and becoming, will your legacy show”that you lived, that you loved, that you did, that you have done” (Source: “I Was Here”, sang by Beyoncé).  Will your legacy say, I WAS HERE.

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 What can you do each day to show that you are here?

 

 

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