Tag Archives: Parenthood

Family, Legacy, Living, Parent

“Peggy… I Now Understand”

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Your greatest joy is sorrow unmasked. 

Kahlil Gilbran

If you read my posting “I Was Here“, you know that my sister Peggy passed in 2011.

We had a unique relationship that was shaped by two significant events:

  • In 1966, she gave me life.
  • In 1972, she gave me a chance at life by giving me my parents, Minnie and Dred Wilder. For that I am eternally grateful.

If our Dad were alive and you asked him to describe Peggy , he would tell you Peggy was a person that  truly lived the phrase “Do You” because no matter the reward or consequence, Peggy was one person  who always was Peggy and did what Peggy wanted to do.

For anyone that met Peggy, they would tell you that she had a presence, a swagger. You remembered meeting her.

For those that knew Peggy well, who she allowed to the see the core of who she was, they knew the dichotomy of her. On one hand, she was the most frustrating and demanding person you would ever meet. But on the other hand, she could be a  loving, funny, and thoughtful person.  She would give the best and the last of what she had.

Like all of us, Peggy sometimes made decisions that didn’t have the best results; however, before she passed, she was able to have some essential conversations that allowed her to acknowledge the impact of those choices and I know that it gave her some peace.

She and I had one of those essential conversations and as I ponder on the words that we spoke, I now understand the dynamics of our unique relationship.

I Now Understand…

  • As a perfectly imperfect 49-year old parent that is lost at times about what is the right thing to do for my son,  I truly appreciate now  that  at 18, Peggy didn’t know what was right for me because she was still trying to figure out what was right for her.
  • Parts of her had been broken by tragedy and trauma, so she shut down the part of her heart that hurt the most – loving me.
  • Parts of me had been broken by tragedy and trauma, so I shut down the part of my heart that hurt the most – loving her.
  • What I deemed as anger for her not loving me, for not keeping me, for not choosing me, it was just a little girl who didn’t understand that she showed me the  greatest love by  giving me parents that could provide me what she wanted to give but didn’t know how
  • When I shared with her my anger, my hurt, my tragedy, she felt my anguish and wished that she could wipe it all way.
  • When she told me that she loved me, I didn’t want to accept it but I knew within my being that she did.
  • That in all the ways that we were different, we were and are alike in what matters.
So even though, I understand all these things and more, if Peggy were alive today, I would only say these 4 words: “Peggy, I now understand.” And you know what? She would understand too.

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Is there someone in your life that your relationship is not where it needs to be?  Is there someone in your life that you need to have an essential conversation with?  If so, remember that life is short.  Instead of waiting for a tomorrow that may never come, do something today:  Say the one that thing that really matters in the end, ” I now understand.”Peggy and me 1970s

Communication, Parent, Uncategorized

The Power of Words: “What Are You Teaching Others to Live With”

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“Learn to speak kind words.  Nobody resents them.”

 Carl Rowan, Syndicated Columnist

 I have a 5-year-old son. As a parent, I’m always looking for ways to be both a better parent and a better person. Last year, I read something that touched my heart and my mind. My heart because it caused me to be self-reflective on how I interacted and communicated with my son.  My mind because it was simple but deep. Deep in the sense that I could see how I could apply what I read to my life personally and professionally.

With that said, I’d like to share what I read, which on the surface is about the positive or negative impact that a parent can have on a child based on how they communicate and interact with their child.

Beneath the surface though, we can get a greater meaning. . . It’s also about the power of one. The power of one person deciding what type of impact that they want to have in their interactions and communications with those in their lives:

“If a child lives in criticism, he learns to condemn; if a child lives with fear, he learn to hate; if  a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself; if a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative; if a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love; if a child lives with honesty, he learns truth; if a child lives with sincerity, he learns to have faith; if a child lives with love, he learns that the world is a wonderful place in which to live.” (Source – Dennis Kimbro, Author of “Daily Motivations for African-American Success”)

After reading this, I thought to myself, “When I interact and communicate with others each day, what am I teaching them to “live with?”  Am I providing positivity or am I allowing the not so positive things that can sometimes happen in my life to create negative experiences for those who share my life, my space.  Am I taking responsibility for my actions and reactions when I have not exhibited the best of me to those in my world? What can I start doing now to create positive communications and experiences for those that I interact with?

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What can you do to create positive interactions and communications with your co-workers and those you see daily or regularly? What’s in your control? For the next 30 days, can you pledge to be positive in how you interact and communicate with others? If everyone on your work team and/or your personal life committed to be positive for the next 30 days, what difference would that make in your daily work experience… what difference would that make in your world?

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